i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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