the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
