just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
