Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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