I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
