well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
