Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
