The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Swine flu is the new snow day.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
