My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
True strength comes from lack of pants
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
