I wish I could teleport
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
