I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
