So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
