literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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