Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
