oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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