come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize