I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
