my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
