A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize