In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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