in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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