his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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