i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
