We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
