I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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