I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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