I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
