nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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