I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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