Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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