I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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