I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
