This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
