when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
