...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
