Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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