how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
