i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize