I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
