Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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