YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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