i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
