Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Randomize
