Its about making memories worth repressing
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
