It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This is my gift to your gina
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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