Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
