its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
