You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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