He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
