i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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