Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
