so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
