How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
