don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
