So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
