You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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