He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
