You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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