Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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