Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
