actually, I'm a sock model
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
