We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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