I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
