I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
