remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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