Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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