Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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