when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just want nice things and good sex
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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