quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
